Behaviorists believe that environment is all-important; the environment that we grow up in defines who we are. If we grow up in a bad environment, it will make us to be awful people. If we grow up in a good environment, we will grow up to be respectable people. Not only does the environment shape who we are but our family does as well.
My family consists of seven people: my mom, my dad, my 2 sisters, my grandparents and myself. Since my other relatives lived in far away countries, it was just the seven of us most of the time. As a result, those 6 other people had a great impact on my dreams, my goals and my personality.
My parents probably had the greatest impact on me. They both were born in the year of the dragon, and it suited them. My parents are strong and passionate and would do anything for the people they cared about. They didn't care about what other people thought about them, and they selflessly sacrificed themselves and their happiness to make my sisters and I happy. We didn't really have a lot of money growing up so when they bought us something really expensive, I knew that they were sacrificing money that they could have used for themselves but spent it on us in order to make us happy. Although my parents worked hard and now have a successful restaurant where money comes easy, they still do these things for us. These sorts of selfless actions inspired me to get good grades so I could get a high paying job and buy my parents the dream house they always wanted. They also made me want to stick up for myself and be more assertive so that no one could make me feel inferior and I could be as strong and as fearless as they are.
My younger sisters probably had the second greatest impact on me. My sisters were always smart. They’re caring and kind actions kept me going as I came home everyday from school or practice. They would bring me snacks, drinks, or even ask me about my day. Those things inspired me to be the best brother that I could be; in a way it made me a better person.
My family shaped my goals so that I could get into a good college, pursue a career path I liked and make a lot of money so I can help out my parents. My family shaped who I am as a person. They shaped me to be a kind, caring, compassionate individual who doesn't care about what other people think and will do anything for those I care about.
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3 comments:
Andrew! Your paper is so touching. Your voice really shows how much you care about your family and how much they have made an impact on your life. Your organization is good because it starts with an intro and works its way down from the greatest impact. The idea about your family impacting you is really put across in this piece and you have lots of details to support it. You have good words when you describe your family. I really like your paper.
-tris10
Hi Sister.
Try taking out "to be" in the 'If we grow up in a bad environment, it will make us to be awful people' sentence. Or you could say it will turn us into awful people, whichever floats your boat. Yes I am grammar queen! Good organization though, how it has an introduction, letting me "meet" your family, then to how each member impacted you.
Sooo will the way your parents and sisters treat you affect how you will treat your children or friends?
KBYE!
-Kasey
Hi Andrew,
Interesting beginning. How did you happen to choose behaviorist theory to start your essay?
And, although I agree with Tristen and Kacie that this was a thoughtful essay, I think they should have provided more help to you in the area of specific detail.
Notice that your essay "tells" about your family's influence on you.
The most specific detail is probably the one about your sisters bringing you snacks...but even there, "snacks" is general..."when they see me hunched over my Trig book, punching numbers into my calculator, they never fail to brighten my mood with bags of Cheetos and Dr. Pepper from the kitchen"...
yeah, that's off the top of my head, but I think you get the picture...What did your parents buy for you and what did they deny themselves before "money came easy"?
These specifics will add more impact to your essay and will make your voice stronger. They are also the elements that will make the essay come alive for an admissions officer.
mrs s
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